Full Script lyrics

[Announcer]
5, 6, 7, 8!

[Dance Captain]
[man looking for Kelly sisters]
Has anybody seen the Kellly sisters?
You, you're up in 5.

[Velma Kelly] (getting out of the car)
- Keep the change, Charlie.

[Charlie - driver]
- Thank you.

[Dance Captain]
Where the hell have you been? And where is Veronica?

[Velma Kelly]
she isn't herself tonight

[Dance Captain]
But tonight's your sister act.

[Velma Kelly]
Don't sweat it. I'll can do it alone. Shit! All right!

[Dance Captain?]
Move it! Move it! Hurry up!

[Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen, the Onyx club is proud to present Chicago's hottest show
in the world. Two Jazz babes moving as one. The Kelly sisters!

[Velma Kelly]
Come on babe
Why don't we paint the town?
And all that Jazz
I'm gonna rouge my knees
And roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the piano's hot
It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz

[Announcer]
Make that two)

[Velma Kelly]
And all that jazz
And all that jazz
Slick your hair
And wear your buckle shoes
And all that Jazz
I hear that Father Dip
Is gonna blow the blues
And all that Jazz
Hold on, hon
We're gonna bunny hug
I bought some aspirin
Down at United Drug
I case you shake apart
And want a brand new start
To do
that

[Roxie Hart] (imagine)
Jazz

[Fred Casely]
Let's go, babe.

[Roxie Hart]
But l didn't even meet your friend. That:that manager guy.

[Fred Casely]
Don't worry, Roxie. It's all taken care of.

[Roxie Hart]
You told him about me?

[Fred Casely]
Yeah, kid. lt's all arranged.

[Velma Kelly]
Find a flask
We're playing fast and loose
And all that jazz
Right up here
Is where I store the juice
And all that jazz
Come on, babe
We're gonna brush the sky
I bet you luck Lindy
Never flew so high
'Cause in the stratosphere
How could he lend an ear
to all
that
Jazz?
Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy shake

[Company]
And all that jazz

[Velma Kelly]
Oh, she's gonna shimmy 'till her garters break

[Company]
And all that jazz

[Velma Kelly]
Show her where to park her girdle
Oh, her mother's blood'd curdle

[Company]
If she'd hear her baby's queer

[Velma Kelly]
For all
that
jazz

[Roxie Hart]
Oh!
- Hello, Mrs. Borusewicz.

[Mrs. Borusewicz]
- Mrs. Hart.

[Roxie Hart]
This is Fred. He's my brother.

[Velma Kelly]
All
that
jazz
Come on, babe
Why Don't we paint
The town?
And all that jazz
And all that jazz
I'm gonna *
Rouge my knees
And roll my *
Stockings down
And all that jazz
And all that jazz
Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the piano's hot
It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And all
that
jazz

[Roxie Hart]
Say it again.

[Fred Casely]
You're a star, kid. My little shooting star!

[Velma Kelly]
No, I'm no one's wife
But, Oh, I love my life
And all
that
Jazz!
That Jazz!

[Roxie Hart]
Say it again, Fred.

[Fred Casely]
Jesus.

[Roxie Hart]
Hey, why is the hurry? Amos ain't be home until midnight. Freddie? Fred? Hey,
you know, I don't like you to feel like I'm nagging or anything. But don't you
think it's about time for me to meet your friend down at the Onyx? It's been a
month since you told him about me. I know. Cause that was the night they met
Kelly, plus her husband and her sister. You know, they said you found them in
a kit together. Guess from where it from. Amos opened it to somebody else. I
throw him a party. - You're not going away, right?

[Fred Casely]
- It's getting late.

[Roxie Hart]
I've been thinking a lot about my anthem. Whenever I get a really good idea, i
write it down at my diary before it puts off in my head. And you know what've
come to me? The other day, that all the really knock-out acts. Have something
more different going on, you know? Like, a signature bed. And I thought my
thing could be a loaf. Give them just enough to feel hungry but always leave
them one more. Once I get a name for myself. Maybe we can open up a club in
Varum, you know? You could run it, and I could be the headliner.

[Fred Casely]
- Get off.

[Roxie Hart]
- What's the idea?

[Fred Casely]
Wake up, kiddo, you aren't never gonna have an act.

[Roxie Hart]
Says who?

[Fred Casely]
Face it, Roxie. You're two big towers with skinny legs. And l'm just a
furniture salesman.

[Roxie Hart]
But you got connections. You know, that guy down the club...

[Fred Casely]
There's no guy.

[Roxie Hart]
Yeah, that night...

[Fred Casely]
It's the first time I set foot in that joint. I get clicked a bet from the
trombone player.

[Roxie Hart]
So you never told anyone about me?

[Fred Casely]
Sugar, you're hot stuff. I would say anything to get a piece of that.

[Roxie Hart]
Stay then. Now?

[Fred Casely]
It has some laughs. Let's just leave it like that.

[Roxie Hart]
Fred... You can't do this to me.

[Fred Casely]
You get off! You touch me again, I'll put your lights out.

[Roxie Hart]
- Wait...

[Fred Casely]
- Your husband will be home soon, why don't you watch yourself. Don't head into
shit again.

[Roxie Hart]
- You're a liar, Fred.

[Fred Casely]
- Oh, yeah, so what?

[Roxie Hart]
You lied to me...

[Fred Casely]
That's right, sweetheart. That's right.

[Roxie Hart]
You son of a bitch... (shoot) Son of a bitch! You son of a bitch!

[Photographer]
Why you bothering, Sal? This one's all wrapped up. I hear it's a new city
record. From killing to confession in an hour for that.

[Sergeant Fogarty]
Why did you get a murder weapon?

[Amos Hart]
I keep a gun in the underway drawer. Just in case it trouble, you know.

[Sergeant Fogarty]
That's just fine. Sign right there, Mr. Hart.

[Amos Hart]
For you, I'm gladly. Really in gladly.

[Sergeant Fogarty]
And mind that you don't say we beat you up when you at the witness stand.

[Amos Hart]
No, I give myself up. Surrender at my own free will.

[Martin Harrison]
lt's indeed you're the murderer.

[Roxie Hart]
Shooting a burglar ain't murder. Just last week jury sent a man

[Martin Harrison]
I'm always grateful if the citizens know the law. Get him there. You too. Sit
down. Okay, from the top.

[Amos Hart]
A man has got the right to protect his home and his love one, right?

[Martin Harrison]
Of course he has.

[Amos Hart]
Well, I come home from the garage, I see him climbing through the window.

[Martin Harrison]
Aha!

[Amos Hart]
With my wife Roxie lying there, sleeping like an angel.

[Martin Harrison]
ls that true, Mrs. Hart?

[Amos Hart]
I'm telling you, that's the truth. My wife has nothing to do with it. She won't
hurt a worm. Not even a worm. Until I fired the first shot, then she opened
her eyes. She was somehow in sleep. I would say she sleeps in charisma pray.
When I think of what would happen if I went off for a beer with the guy instead
of coming straight home, it makes me sick even think about it...

[Announcer]
For her first number, Ms. Roxie Hart would like to sing a song of Loving
Devotion. Dedicated to her dear husband, Amos.

[Roxie]
Sometime's I'm right
Sometime's I'm wrong
But he doesn't care
He'll String along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
Sometime's I'm down
Sometime's I'm up
But he follows 'round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[Amos Hart]
Like I said, even though I shot him, he kept coming at me. So I had to pull
the trigger again.

[Roxie Hart]
He ain't no sheik
That's no great physique
And Lord knows he ain't got the smarts
Oh but look at that soul
I tell you the whole
Is a whole lot greater than
The sum of his parts
And if you knew him like me
I know you'd agree
What if the world
Slandered my name?
Why he'd be right there
Taking the blame
He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny sunny honey
Hubby of mine

[Amos Hart]
And supposed if... just supposed if he violated her or something. You know what
I mean, violated?

[Martin Harrison]
l know what you mean.

[Amos Hart]
Or something. Think how terrible it'd have been. It's good thing I got home
from work on time. - I'm telling you that.

[Roxie Hart]
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[Amos Hart]
- I say I'm telling you that.

[Martin Harrison]
The name of deceased is Fred Casely.

[Amos Hart]
Fred Casely? How could he be a burglar? My wife knows him. He sold us our
furniture. He gave us 10% off.

[Roxie Hart]
Lord knows he ain't got the smarts

[Martin Harrison]
You told me he was the burglar? - You mean he was dead when you got home?

[Amos Hart]
I'm covering for her. She was telling me cock and bull story story about this
burglar. And I'd say I did it because I was sure to get off. 'Help me, Amos.'
she said, 'lt's my goddamn hour-need.'

[Roxie Hart]
Now he shot off his trap
I can't stand that sap

[Amos Hart]
And i believed that cheap little tramp. She's too smart on me, huh? And i
protected her... I'm on the garage with my butt 14 hours a day. And she's now
promoted to a bon-bon? And traveling around like some goddamn pussy! She
thought she can pull the world by that I wasn't pulled yet. I tell you that
something that I can take. And this time she pushed me too far. I didn't shoot
him. Fool, what a sap I was

[Roxie Hart]
You double-crosser! You big bluffer mouth! You promised you'd stay...

[Amos Hart]
What're you talking about? You've been setting me up, Roxie!

[Roxie Hart]
- Goddamn it!

[Amos Hart]
- You told me it was a burglar! The whole time you've been jazzing...

[Roxie Hart]
You are a disloyal husband! Look, it's true. l shoot him. But it was
self-defense. He was trying to burgle me.

[Martin Harrison]
From what l hear, he's been burgled you three times a week for the last month.
So what do you say, Mrs.?

[Neighbor]
- That's him, all right.

[Martin Harrison]

- Thank you. Your story doesn't work, Mrs. Hart. So try this emphasize. Fred
Casely was a good time on the side but goofy here is a meal ticket.

[Roxie Hart]
Meal ticket? He couldn't buy my liquor.

[Martin Harrison]

And Fred Casely could? With a wife and five little Caselys? Or he forgot to
mention them.

[Roxie Hart]
What?

[Martin Harrison]
Oh, yes.

[Roxie Hart]
That bastard! Yes, I killed him. I would kill him again!

[Martin Harrison]
Once was enough. Take her downtown. Come on.

[Reporter]
Take off! This way, honey. Oh, come on. lt's a shame to hide such a beautiful
face. Why you shoot him, honey? Why don't you give a profile, a little smile
like the girl in the toothpaste ad?

[Martin Harrison]
Take while you can. The case is down. District attorney Harrison says this is
a hanging case.

[Roxie Hart]
Hanging?

[Martin Harrison]
- I'm ready to go to the jury tomorrow.

[Roxie Hart]
Wait a minute, what do you mean hanging?

[Martin Harrison]
Not so confident anymore, are you? Take her to the Cooke County Jail.

[Reporter]
Come on, sweetie. Headline. What did you shoot him? Is it...

[Roxie Hart]
Hey, what do you mean hanging?

[Warden]
...Caffeine, cocaine or opium? Arm length. 31 inches... The matrons are on
the way. So don't get too cozy. Put off that cigarette!

[Liz]
Ever had Morton before? She's fine... as long as you keep her happy.

[Announcer]
And now, ladies and gentlemen. The keeper of the keys, the countess of the
clink, the mistress of murderers' row. Matron Mama Morton!

[Mama Morton]
Ask any of the chickies in my pen
They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen
I love 'em all and all of them love me
Because the system works
The system called reciprocity...

[Warden]
On your feet.

[Mama Morton]
Welcome, ladies.

Got a little motto
Always sees me through
"When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you".

You might think l'd make your life a living hell, which is not true.

There's a lot of favors
I'm prepared to do
You do one for Mama
She'll do one for you.

l'd be your friend if you let me.
So if something upsets you
or makes you unhappy in any way,
don't shoot your fat-ass mouth on me
'cause l won't give a shit. Now move it out.

They say that life is tit for tat
And that's the way I live
So, I deserve a lot of tat
For what I've got to give
Don't you know that this hand
Washes that one too
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you!

[Warden]
Let's go!

[Mama Morton]
You must be Hart. You're a pretty one.

[Roxie Hart]
Thank you, ma'am.

[Mama Morton]
Why don't you call me Mama? We can take care of you. You'd be happy taken down
in these block. Murderers' Row, we called it.

[Roxie Hart]
Oh, is that nicer? I don't think I'm really belonging here. I didn't actually
do anything wrong.

[Mama Morton]
Don't need to tell me, honey.
I've never heard of a man getting killed. When I get used to - just come to
talk

[Velma Kelly]
Hey, mama. Come here.

[Roxie Hart]
Velma Kelly? You're the Velma Kelly? You know I was there that night? I was
there that night that you got arrested.

[Velma Kelly]
Yeah, you're a half of Chicago. Look at this, Mama. Another story of
announcing me in Redbook magazine. Not in memory do we recall so finishing
horrible in double homicide.

[Mama Morton]
Maybe you couldn't buy that kind of publicity.

[Velma Kelly]
Couldn't buy it? I guess I can keep these then.

[Mama Morton]
Let's try.

If you want my gravy
Pepper my ragout
Spice it up for Mama
She'll get hot for you
When they pass that basket
Folk contribute to
You put in for Mama
She'll put out for you
The folks atop the ladder
Are the ones the world adores
So boost me up my ladder, Kid
And I'll boost you up yours
Let's all stroke together
Like the Princeton crew
When you're strokin' Mama
Mama's strokin' you
So what's the one conclusion
I can bring this number to?
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you!

[Roxie Hart]
Mama? It's... kinda freezing in here. You don't think maybe there's something
wrong with the heat? Not that I'm complaining, mind you but... you know... lf
you can bring some blankets on the way...

[Mama Morton]
Lights out, ladies.

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[Announcer]
And now, the six merry murderers from the Cooke county jail in their rendition
of The Cell-block Tango.

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[All Murderess's]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

[Velma]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[All Murderess's]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

[Velma]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.